There's a thought that has been nagging me for a very long time. Does being independent women automatically equal to "neutral" gender for men? I mean, I have met some really nice men in my life who have tried to woo me, impress me, catch my eye and eventually all of them tried to "tame" me. Why is that once romance colours the friendship, most of men are suddenly insecure with the way a woman is and how she will run his household, more importantly, what if she has an opinion different from his? I know from experience that there are men there who respect independent women and still treat those women as women but that is not the case most often.
Most men employ either of two viewpoints. If she is fiercely independent, she is buddy who will take care of herself and release them from the expected gentlemanly behaviour OR she has to learn to be behave a woman, which usually means that she has to seem a bit helpless and therefore make them feel more masculine.
I see the difference in the way I am treated versus some of my other female friends who so easily manipulate men into doing things for them. Doors are opened for them, their tantrums tolerated, their wish is the command for the men in their lives and these, by the way, are smart, articulate women who make smart decisions in their offices. For some reason, I find myself opening my own doors.
Most men employ either of two viewpoints. If she is fiercely independent, she is buddy who will take care of herself and release them from the expected gentlemanly behaviour OR she has to learn to be behave a woman, which usually means that she has to seem a bit helpless and therefore make them feel more masculine.
I see the difference in the way I am treated versus some of my other female friends who so easily manipulate men into doing things for them. Doors are opened for them, their tantrums tolerated, their wish is the command for the men in their lives and these, by the way, are smart, articulate women who make smart decisions in their offices. For some reason, I find myself opening my own doors.
Is our society such that it will not accept women unless they play a certain role. And those who do not comply by these rules are forced into situations whether either have to comply or bear the alternate treatment.
Part of the problem seems to be that we have no fixed idea of what equality really means. So while men complain that women were fighting for independence still seek to be treated in a society approved manner, there are women like me who are wondering why equality means that you have to be gender neutral.
I think it's time we talked to our sons to be more sensitive and daughters to be strong and hope that they find the middle ground where they do not confuse equality with a certain behaviour alone.
