There are a few decisions I made in the past that make me extremely proud of myself. Like the time I broke off from my first boyfriend (despite how much I thought I loved him) because when he told me his expectations of me after we got married, I realized that the man I was dating and the man I would be married to were as different as day and night. And as luck would have it, right before I broke of with him, I caught him cheating on me. That was divine timing. It made it so much easier to call things off with zero regrets.
Then after an on-and-off relationship with a megalomaniac, I decided that I had enough. It took me far too long to reach that decision but I when I did, I did so with crystal clear idea of what I wanted and that I had put up with a lot of nonsense for far too long. I had made a mistake and I was going to set things right for myself.
The third ex, the one I truly, truly fell in love with, was clearly not ready for what being with me meant. After dealing with his see-saw moods for some years I found myself as confused about him as I was when we first met. I also learned that as long as I treated him like sh!t, he would worship me and when I was being nice, he would run me down. I had enough of that very soon but then, I loved him. More importantly, I was seriously attracted to him and his bad boy personality. Then in a spate of anger or boredom he said that we were never dating. He, of course, as always, came back to me as if nothing had happened and nothing had been said but I had already packed up my emotions and was out the door.
I have no regrets about meeting them or what transpired between us. They are the reason I now know what I look for in my partner, what I am ready to put up with and what I can do without. I also know that love is not overrated. It's our expectations from the other person. I still fall in love and hard but never with the careless abandon of earlier times. I prepare myself to really see who the other person is---his strengths, his weaknesses, his quirks---and hope he tries to understand me as well.
When things go wrong, especially relationships, it's easy to blame the other person and not take any responsibility yourself. The important thing is not how you met or how long you were together...not even whether you still love the other person. The question to address is, does the other person make you feel good about yourself and do you bring the best in him/her. If the answer is no, kiss goodbye and move on. Life is too short to be with the wrong person.
Then after an on-and-off relationship with a megalomaniac, I decided that I had enough. It took me far too long to reach that decision but I when I did, I did so with crystal clear idea of what I wanted and that I had put up with a lot of nonsense for far too long. I had made a mistake and I was going to set things right for myself.
The third ex, the one I truly, truly fell in love with, was clearly not ready for what being with me meant. After dealing with his see-saw moods for some years I found myself as confused about him as I was when we first met. I also learned that as long as I treated him like sh!t, he would worship me and when I was being nice, he would run me down. I had enough of that very soon but then, I loved him. More importantly, I was seriously attracted to him and his bad boy personality. Then in a spate of anger or boredom he said that we were never dating. He, of course, as always, came back to me as if nothing had happened and nothing had been said but I had already packed up my emotions and was out the door.
I have no regrets about meeting them or what transpired between us. They are the reason I now know what I look for in my partner, what I am ready to put up with and what I can do without. I also know that love is not overrated. It's our expectations from the other person. I still fall in love and hard but never with the careless abandon of earlier times. I prepare myself to really see who the other person is---his strengths, his weaknesses, his quirks---and hope he tries to understand me as well.
When things go wrong, especially relationships, it's easy to blame the other person and not take any responsibility yourself. The important thing is not how you met or how long you were together...not even whether you still love the other person. The question to address is, does the other person make you feel good about yourself and do you bring the best in him/her. If the answer is no, kiss goodbye and move on. Life is too short to be with the wrong person.
No comments:
Post a Comment