It's maddening sometimes...sleeplessness. It's like my body starts to wake up just as the sun starts to set and is in it's brightest and sharpest by midnight. I toss and turn, try to kill random thoughts just so my mind calms down. I can't even figure out what's keeping me up. I sometimes blame the extra cup of coffee I had in the office during the day or some horror flick I had seen sometime in this lifetime. I am tired, that stays that way all day. I usually am not sleepy at work either and then there are those days when I am mentally (and frantically) searching for a hidden corner somewhere near my desk where I could slip in for a quick snooze. Hopefully somewhere no one can hear my snores. Yup, I snore, which is why I never sleep in planes. I'm absolutely terrified of being that one person everyone stares at as if in disbelief that a lady can snore like a good old rattling Indian trucks on a bumpy road.
Even now my eyes are heavy and I'm was trying to sleep but it evades me completely. I remind myself that it's almost 3 am and I have to be up at 6 to let my maid into my house. It was the same story last night...and the nights before that.
I miss being so tired that I pass out blissfully in my bed only to wake up in the morning fresh and ready to face the day. Instead, I shall be greeting the morn like I were face-to-face with a nightmare. The day will pass in a state of strange disconnect. I have now learned the pattern. That is sad.
I need human contact when I sleep. Could my years of sharing the room with my sister have left me crippled? I am usually at peace when a part of me in touching someone like it needs reassurance that I am not alone in the room. It seems strange now that I have lived by myself in the past and I certainly did not stay up for 7 years! Maybe if I try to solve this mystery of why I'm an insomniac, I'll be able to rest. That's what I'll do now. I have nothing better to do.
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