I have always prided myself for being one of those people who got everything one wishes for. I do consider myself blessed since I don't have to chase them...it all comes to me, neatly on my lap...tied up prettily in a bow. Good job offers, gadgets I have been eyeing suddenly gifted to me, more money, and yet the one thing that has always eluded me is romance.
A colleague once said, when I was feeling particularly low and lonely, "I don't believe a crap you say about not finding love. You have always had gorgeous, interesting, successful men around you. You just don't give them a chance." I wasn't so sure I believed her then but I couldn't ignore the weird tug in my heart that there was an element of truth in what she said. People have told me that I hang out with some really good looking men and that always perplexes me. Good looking men? Who are they talking about? My friends that I hang out with? I mean sure they are good looking and yeah they are very protective (and forgiving) towards me but should I even be seeking romance there? Is it ever okay to sully friendship by coloring romance into it?
I usually prefer to date men I don't consider "friend." An acquaintance maybe. While most women think it's absolutely fantastic to have this two-in-one package of friend-cum-lover, I find it boring. I have this essential need to have a friend to discuss boy troubles with and it is no fun if you have to discuss it with the man in your life just because when you found love, you slowly withdrew from your friends till they become just your drinking buddies.
So this brings us back to the problem of finding eligible bachelors to be acquainted with and to eventually date. This becomes particularly difficult when one is a working woman. A woman who is perceived to be doing fairly well in her career, is independent, and has no time or emotional bandwidth to tolerate nonsense. Add to that the laziness to play pretty girl and go on dates that one has no clues where it's leading to.
A large number of Indian men assume that the point of dating is to have sex and if you are an independent woman, surely you are not the stuck up sorts who wants to wait until you are married. All that is fine, I say, but what about romance? Where are those breed of men who send an embarrassingly huge bouquet of roses for you at work or plan special dates that does not include sexy lingerie and an agenda to see you in them?
I know a very nice guy who had been asking me out for a long time. Problem was, he is younger than me and I did not even know if I wanted to go out with him. We planned to meet a few times and each time I cancelled. He is married now so it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe I was over thinking at that time but I have started seeing relationships as investments. And seeing that at some point his family is likely to object to him dating an older woman, it just sounded like a shaky deal that would leave me heartbroken and even more determined not to waste my time on a guy. And I do intend to find love and marry hopefully all done in a non-messy manner.
So this ought to mean that an arranged marriage would be ideal for me, right? No. Not really. Most men I met through arrange marriage setup go either way:
1) "Do you know how to cook? When we start planning a family, I expect my wife to stay at home because mother's love is important for a child." Very nice, sir. Now would you want me to perform a skit in bharatnatyam or would you like to hear me sing raag Bhairavi while ironing your clothes?
2) "I always wanted a working woman as my life partner. Women who are independent are great assets. I want my wife to be able to handle bank work or get groceries when I can't and not be sitting around helplessly. We should function like a team." Very good, sir. And what would the team colors be? You see, green doesn't go so well with yellow and I don't want people to pass snide comments when I'm running errands and you claim to be at work while you are actually at the pub shirking your end of the teamwork.
*sigh*
It's not easy being a working woman in search of giddy romance. While girls like me wait for a Mr. Right to show up, I'm afraid we will have to be content with one-time romantic encounters to keep our hopes high. You know, like, feeling happy about sitting next to a non-creepy cutie on the flight or making googly eyes at someone at an out-of-town conference.
I am not ready to give up on romance yet. I just have to chant this mantra 108 times every morning before work.
No comments:
Post a Comment