The usual gang was meeting up over drinks and dinner and we were talking about Dr. A's upcoming training in Hungary. He was excited that finally his visa had come through and he would finally be off next month for the course he was looking forward to.
"I love the entire experience of traveling and meeting new people. I start talking to people I meet at the airport itself." He said looking at Dr. V, our out-of-town friend who had joined us that evening.
Adi shrugged,"The last thing I want is to chat with strangers. I plug on my iPod and stay that way till I reach my destination. That discourages anyone who is feeling particularly chatty on that trip."
I nodded enthusiastically at Adi. "That's what I do too! I'm not the friendliest person when I'm traveling alone." Dr. A was a bit disappointed. "But sometimes you have a great connection with someone and that leaves you with a great life experience. You miss out on that if you are unfriendly!"
"True," I said,"but that also means I don't have deal with men who would hit on me because they know I'm a single woman who travels."
"Oh come on!" Dr. A said in disbelief,"it can't be every time plus how would they know if you are single?"
"Hmmm...no wedding ring, no mangalsutra and a big ass laptop by my side that screams 'I'm traveling out of Delhi for some work-related reason.' Those are big clues right there. I can only assume that most men conclude that I might get lonely some nights and I am definitely thinking of balding, overweight, married men when that happens."
Then I reminded them if that one time that a 'nice, promising man' I met at the airport last year turned out to be married and a father of a three-year-old girl. I had thankfully found out about it well in time and cancelled our 'date.' Not very shockingly, he tried to woo me by saying how married men are best in the bedroom. After nearly 5 months of trying to get me on the phone, he gave up. In fact I was with Dr. A and Adi a few of the times the call came and as I let it ring unanswered.
I know that it's not just women who face that problem. Dr. A was chased around the train by a very forward woman who tried to ambush him in the train's loo, of all places. And Dr.V (who looks like he's in his early twenties, by the way) told us of how just that very day in the train, a man came to him when he was busy reading his book and started rubbing his hands over his thighs and asked,"is this ok?" to a very shocked Dr. V.
So it is not just women who have to ward off unwanted attention while traveling but it occurs more frequently for us than for men.
Dr.A usually gets to hear of all my misadventures when I travel for conferences. Like the time a 7-foot tall black guy started stalking me a conference in Hyderabad and kept asking me when I could join him in his room or the time when during a serious business meeting a 75-year-old professor was too busy smiling and looking at me and found it absolutely necessary to let me know that I was beautiful and looked very 'Spanish' except that I was fairer than the Spanish women he has met. Or the professor who was hitting on me even as his 20-something year-old son stared awkwardly at his phone. Or the one where just as the plane started to land, this guy who was sitting silently all this while turns to me and says,"I have a successful newspaper business and I'm well-known so if you need any help while you are in my town, give me a call" and dropped his business card on my lap. Just some of the maddening experiences I have had. No matter how confident I am or how capable I am at work, I feel very opposite when such instances happen. It is attraction and lust that I see in the eyes of these men. Those eyes don't recognize qualities in a woman...just an attractive woman who could be available for a few moments of pleasure. That is what scares me. Has the world always been so cold?
Conferences are tough time for most working women. It is like being thrown into a cage full of predators. The men who work with us are often thrown into the temporary role of playing knight in shiny armor. They keep a close eye on us and step in at the first sign of distress. I am grateful to my colleagues who rescued me numerous times without me having to voice my fear or discomfort. Even if we are competitors in the market, we unite during conferences. We (Indian men and women) keep a special look out for female Editors and Publishers from other countries who get specially confused on how to react when in a swanky hotel's conference room, Indian researchers in slippers ask them how much they "charge" for a night. Black men will always come straight to the point with Indian women. At least one black man wants me in every international conference.
It has sadly reached a point that I have given up getting shocked or angry. I realized that when at the airport some months ago and a guy approached me and asked if I could please click a photo of him and his friends. And after the photo was taken, I held out his camera for him and he asked if 'a pretty girl' like me would like to join him and his friends on their trip to Nepal for some 'fun.' And at that time my first thought was that I probably looked like hippie who would go with the flow if the moment and that I needed to change into something more serious for my meeting later that day.
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